paul

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above

-Come, Thou Fount

O Lord, I feel it. I feel it when I wander away from You. The differences are just undeniable. There is a need in me to give my heart to the Lord so many times throughout the duration of the day. When it will stop, I do not know, but I know my life depends on it. I don't want to leave You.

For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died (2 Cor 5:14)

The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes. (Prov 21:1)

tired physically but not tired...mentally?

after studying for my biology test, which consisted of reading, good interruptions (Bible provides a nice break, recommended by brothers) & bad interruptions (NBA Finals...)

I'm left wondering if I'm truly living the way He wants me to.

I'm wondering if my life reflects that of a servant, obedient to every command of his King

and I wonder why I'm still wondering, when I know it definitely does not. Wasting time has happened before, and I know it goes against Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men

There is so much more to Your reign, Your kingdom. There is so much more to...You. I need to stop turning to the left and right for fulfillment and turn upwards. It has to be a decision, not a feeling.

¹⁶They turn, but not upward,
         They are like a deceitful bow;
         Their princes will fall by the sword
         Because of the insolence of their tongue (Hosea 7:16)

where i belong, is at Your feet, praising You

where i belong, is at Your feet, touching You

Lord I need only You, pour out Your life on me again

Bring me back to the place where I love the cross

Bring me back to the place where I'm on my knees

Bring me back to an undivided heart

Jesus, bring me back to You

-Bring Me Back (Vineyard)

One of the great facts of my life is that I have a very forgetful heart. If I don't meet with the Lord in a while, it shows. If I'm out of touch with Him for even an hour, sometimes I feel an emptiness. This is all because Satan prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Life can get so difficult, and when I collide with all the difficulties of life, I tend to forget that those difficulties aren't difficulties, but they're really opportunities (1 Peter 4:12). I tend to forget that God gives us so many opportunities, and we somehow forget that the cross was the greatest difficulty. But even in such a seemingly impossible circumstance, Jesus made the cross the most awesome and highest opportunity. The opportunity to be broken (Psalm 51:17), to find victory in not ourselves, but in Him, and to deeply know the God (John 17:3) who loves beyond our understanding (Ephesians 3:19). To know God is the reward, and it's amazing that we are chasing after such a simple yet complex goal. Please pray for me, for I am in summer school, and I don't want to see school as a way of distancing me from the Lord, but only that it would be a way for me to see how great our God truly is.

Another truly convicting fact is that God is always trying to remind us: we were made for one purpose. We don't try to drink a soup using a fork since forks weren't made to drink soup. You can try to use a fork to drink soup, but you'll get nothing out of it. The same way with our lives, we were made to live for God. We were made to glorify Him and to die to self. When God sees us turn to any desire but Him, it's as if we're being that fork while God's trying to drink that bowl of soup. In my life, so much of the time, I've been that fork. Praise God He has infinite patience...!

Sometimes, it's difficult to watch this world, where even our closest ones forget their purpose and turn to such weak desires, when our desire should be living for God. Some of the people closest to our hearts turn to the things around them, and no matter how hard we try to get them to look up, they resist. How can this be?

¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. (Matthew 7:17-18)

i encourage you all to be devoted completely to the ministry God has called you to. i am barely on the tip of the iceberg, but i know God has promised that He will be glorified if we do pursue after the ministry He has assigned to each and everyone of us. It's absolutely amazing that we can glorify God, with the strength that only He can give.

Our ministry can range from helping a broken friend to holding a church-wide night of praise and worship. Whatever it is, pursue after it as David pursued his victory against Goliath! The simplicity of devotion to God is absolutely beautiful.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. (1 Corinthians 9:24)

But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ. (2 Corinthians 11:3)

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

-Worlds Apart (Jars of Clay)

I thought I had it all sorted. I thought I figured this life all out. I thought I had You all sorted out. Oh my goodness...

I remember those times when I dived into Your love, and I didn't want to come back up for air. I knew with every fiber of my being that You would sustain me still. But how forgetful my heart is. I lose sight of what encompasses me, and I go up for air. I lose hope; my heart turns to stone. I might as well have sunk at those times, and You could have easily let me drown.

But You had to die for me. You had to. This love truly surpasses my being. I ask why? Why did you really have to die for me? Why? Why does my heart forget that I don't need to go up for air? Why does my heart forget that when I dive in, You will sustain me? Lord, I have so many questions. Your grace and mercy, words I've taken so lightly, just leaves me at a loss of words.

Deep down in my heart, I believed that I was to go to church victorious in the sense that I've followed what You have commanded me to do. I believed that church was the day that I could recall all that I've done right. But again, I am reminded, with another nail driven into the cross, that I'm to be broken. Church is where I go to get broken by God's message, to be convicted of the sin-soaked state I am in.

I have gone so wrong. How dull are the nails?

I am afraid to ask You to take my world apart because I know that if You do, things will never be the same.

But that is also the very reason I pray that You do take my world apart...

and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:19)

You are God in heaven

And here am I on earth

So I'll let my words be few

Jesus I am so in love with You

So I'll stand in awe of You

-Let My Words Be Few

what can we say? how do you say you love Jesus?

how God is love to bless His unworthy and rebellious children with life and blessings is unfair. we don't deserve this.

the garage sale went amazingly well today. God continues surprising me in ways that wouldn't have meant anything had He not opened my eyes to His love-mercy.

Please pray for grace and strength: for those who are upholding His name and justice in the world, and for those who are stuck in the rubble and calamity (Myanmar Cyclone + China Earthquake)!

Rec Week starts tomorrow - not sure what to expect - but that just leaves more room for God to work in my heart.

packing up is so bittersweet. for some reason, my heart just aches when i look back at my freshman year

there are so many amazing memories, and God has given me so many new brothers and sisters in Christ whom i love with a brotherly love.

and my goodness, who am i? why should God care for us?

at times, i didn't want to leave this freshman year behind. my heart wanted to go back and experience it all again

it was almost as if i didn't think heaven was real, and that just made my heart ache. how can I love this world to the point that I forget about heaven's goodness? how can i even compare when i haven't gone to heaven?

but then God called out to me, and reminded me of who He was & what He had in store for His people, of His city.

in heaven, we'll be standing on a sea of glass with harps from God, singing praises to God.

in heaven, we get to see and be with the One that we've been waiting for all this time...

in heaven, we get to finally hear His voice, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

So, the question that I plan to ask myself everyday is, "What are you waiting for?"

God is so rich and full of mercy, grace, and love; the expectation of His second coming just overwhelms me.

I've wondered before, is there room for romantic love in my life? The love of Jesus is too much already for my heart that to give part of my heart away wouldn't make any sense right now.

I think this is what it means to have a heart ache for Jesus. It's too much. It simply overflows.

Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one

And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
And young and old will turn to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates!
Prepare the way of the risen Lord!

Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice!

-Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble?

Look forward to the day that Christ returns! What a day that will be...